/b/ - Random

His laser eyes can toast a bagel from Israel to New York!

His super speed can spin a dreidal with a higher rotation per minute than his credit score!

His super strength can bend the rules of politics to his whim.

He is the one the only

>S U P E R J E W

His laser eyes can toast a bagel from Israel to New York!

His super speed can spin a dreidal with a higher rotation per minute than his credit score!

His super strength can bend the rules of politics to his whim.

He is the one the only

>S U P E R J E W

His laser eyes can toast a bagel from Israel to New York!

His super speed can spin a dreidal with a higher rotation per minute than his credit score!

His super strength can bend the rules of politics to his whim.

He is the one the only

>S U P E R J E W

His laser eyes can toast a bagel from Israel to New York!

His super speed can spin a dreidal with a higher rotation per minute than his credit score!

His super strength can bend the rules of politics to his whim.

He is the one the only

>S U P E R J E W

Please explain, I really don’t understand how people can find this funny… Maybe it’s about complaining about stupid shit in the real world that people find it more relatable than funny. No one finds those memes funny at all, the only people who like those steaming piles of shit are just people who like to complain/hate/circlejerk random ass shit over and over and over again just to circlejerk or hate them because it helps them “vent” their never ending hate for shit that’s popular or just minor annoyances.

Please explain, I really don’t understand how people can find this funny… Maybe it’s about complaining about stupid shit in the real world that people find it more relatable than funny. No one finds those memes funny at all, the only people who like those steaming piles of shit are just people who like to complain/hate/circlejerk random ass shit over and over and over again just to circlejerk or hate them because it helps them “vent” their never ending hate for shit that’s popular or just minor annoyances.

Oh. My. God. That sleek red exterior. That gorgeous smile. Those big, meaty wheels. It’s really you, isn’t it? I’m like, your absolute biggest fan ever! For real… I’ve been to every single one of your races, and right now I really really want you to just use me in every way possible!

How? Well for starters, you see these fat fucking headlights? They’re all yours. These huge, perfect flashers are just begging to get lathered up in that engine grease! Like, I know I’m a Porsche, but I want you to cover my hood in your slimy motor oil until I look like a cheap, used Fiat.

Don’t worry…after you’ve covered my front, you can get to work on my backside. You see that decal right above my trunk? I got that just so hot alpha cars like you know my tailpipe is open for business. That’s right…you can just ram every inch of your drive shaft right up my tight tunnel. Really pack that fucking exhaust in while you slam up against my bumper over and over. Just blow out my suspension and don’t stop until I can’t even drive straight. I want my brake lights covered in a ridiculously creamy layer of gasoline by the time you’ve had your fill of that dump truck trunk.

Geez, I really got ahead of myself with all that. I’m just so nervous I can’t help but ramble on and on with you. How about we just start with your penis inside my pussy and go from there?

Oh. My. God. That sleek red exterior. That gorgeous smile. Those big, meaty wheels. It’s really you, isn’t it? I’m like, your absolute biggest fan ever! For real… I’ve been to every single one of your races, and right now I really really want you to just use me in every way possible!

How? Well for starters, you see these fat fucking headlights? They’re all yours. These huge, perfect flashers are just begging to get lathered up in that engine grease! Like, I know I’m a Porsche, but I want you to cover my hood in your slimy motor oil until I look like a cheap, used Fiat.

Don’t worry…after you’ve covered my front, you can get to work on my backside. You see that decal right above my trunk? I got that just so hot alpha cars like you know my tailpipe is open for business. That’s right…you can just ram every inch of your drive shaft right up my tight tunnel. Really pack that fucking exhaust in while you slam up against my bumper over and over. Just blow out my suspension and don’t stop until I can’t even drive straight. I want my brake lights covered in a ridiculously creamy layer of gasoline by the time you’ve had your fill of that dump truck trunk.

Geez, I really got ahead of myself with all that. I’m just so nervous I can’t help but ramble on and on with you. How about we just start with your penis inside my pussy and go from there?

Please explain, I really don’t understand how people can find this funny… Maybe it’s about complaining about stupid shit in the real world that people find it more relatable than funny. No one finds those memes funny at all, the only people who like those steaming piles of shit are just people who like to complain/hate/circlejerk random ass shit over and over and over again just to circlejerk or hate them because it helps them “vent” their never ending hate for shit that’s popular or just minor annoyances.

Please explain, I really don’t understand how people can find this funny… Maybe it’s about complaining about stupid shit in the real world that people find it more relatable than funny. No one finds those memes funny at all, the only people who like those steaming piles of shit are just people who like to complain/hate/circlejerk random ass shit over and over and over again just to circlejerk or hate them because it helps them “vent” their never ending hate for shit that’s popular or just minor annoyances.

I’d seriously dress slick in a suit and sunglasses, go to a different city and just get everyone’s attention.

I make the bet.

“i can make you all cum, if i don’t, I owe you $20 each. If I do, you all owe me $10 each.”

“Kachow!”

Knees quiver, a loud cacophony of moaning echoes throughout Times Square. I smirk, and hold out my hand.

I am promptly arrested on vague charges. I am transferred, to an old abandoned warehouse out in the midwest, to meet the highest echelons of the Deep State. They have a job for me.

Once again, I smirk. I’ve made enough from my InstaCum Tour, I call in my AI controlled drone. A strike on the warehouse that leaves everyone in the Deep State dead or maimed beyond any quality of life.

I look at the media storm approaching. If I say it on camera, will America hear my reasoning? I smirk. No harm in trying.

kachow.

Do United States citizens really believe that their government wasn’t envolved on the events that happened on september 11? First of all: I’m not saying it was an inside job, I’m just asking about the overall opinion of the majority of people. Don’t mean to disrespect anyone. he reason I’m asking this is because I live in Brazil, and on this weekend I was at a dinner party and as this was brought up on a casual conversation, I realised everyone (literally 100% of us, like 15 people of varied political beliefs and experiences) agreed that the USA government was involved. We all have seen the documentaries and everything, but it’s hard to have an relevant opinion when none of us ever stepped foot on the United States for more than a couple weeks.

Oh. My. God. That sleek red exterior. That gorgeous smile. Those big, meaty wheels. It’s really you, isn’t it? I’m like, your absolute biggest fan ever! For real… I’ve been to every single one of your races, and right now I really really want you to just use me in every way possible!

How? Well for starters, you see these fat fucking headlights? They’re all yours. These huge, perfect flashers are just begging to get lathered up in that engine grease! Like, I know I’m a Porsche, but I want you to cover my hood in your slimy motor oil until I look like a cheap, used Fiat.

Don’t worry…after you’ve covered my front, you can get to work on my backside. You see that decal right above my trunk? I got that just so hot alpha cars like you know my tailpipe is open for business. That’s right…you can just ram every inch of your drive shaft right up my tight tunnel. Really pack that fucking exhaust in while you slam up against my bumper over and over. Just blow out my suspension and don’t stop until I can’t even drive straight. I want my brake lights covered in a ridiculously creamy layer of gasoline by the time you’ve had your fill of that dump truck trunk.

Geez, I really got ahead of myself with all that. I’m just so nervous I can’t help but ramble on and on with you. How about we just start with your penis inside my pussy and go from there?

Oh. My. God. That sleek red exterior. That gorgeous smile. Those big, meaty wheels. It’s really you, isn’t it? I’m like, your absolute biggest fan ever! For real… I’ve been to every single one of your races, and right now I really really want you to just use me in every way possible!

How? Well for starters, you see these fat fucking headlights? They’re all yours. These huge, perfect flashers are just begging to get lathered up in that engine grease! Like, I know I’m a Porsche, but I want you to cover my hood in your slimy motor oil until I look like a cheap, used Fiat.

Don’t worry…after you’ve covered my front, you can get to work on my backside. You see that decal right above my trunk? I got that just so hot alpha cars like you know my tailpipe is open for business. That’s right…you can just ram every inch of your drive shaft right up my tight tunnel. Really pack that fucking exhaust in while you slam up against my bumper over and over. Just blow out my suspension and don’t stop until I can’t even drive straight. I want my brake lights covered in a ridiculously creamy layer of gasoline by the time you’ve had your fill of that dump truck trunk.

Geez, I really got ahead of myself with all that. I’m just so nervous I can’t help but ramble on and on with you. How about we just start with your penis inside my pussy and go from there?

Oh. My. God. That sleek red exterior. That gorgeous smile. Those big, meaty wheels. It’s really you, isn’t it? I’m like, your absolute biggest fan ever! For real… I’ve been to every single one of your races, and right now I really really want you to just use me in every way possible!

How? Well for starters, you see these fat fucking headlights? They’re all yours. These huge, perfect flashers are just begging to get lathered up in that engine grease! Like, I know I’m a Porsche, but I want you to cover my hood in your slimy motor oil until I look like a cheap, used Fiat.

Don’t worry…after you’ve covered my front, you can get to work on my backside. You see that decal right above my trunk? I got that just so hot alpha cars like you know my tailpipe is open for business. That’s right…you can just ram every inch of your drive shaft right up my tight tunnel. Really pack that fucking exhaust in while you slam up against my bumper over and over. Just blow out my suspension and don’t stop until I can’t even drive straight. I want my brake lights covered in a ridiculously creamy layer of gasoline by the time you’ve had your fill of that dump truck trunk.

Geez, I really got ahead of myself with all that. I’m just so nervous I can’t help but ramble on and on with you. How about we just start with your penis inside my pussy and go from there?

I am a man with a decidedly womanly ass, ya know, that juicy combination of firm and perky, but still jiggly to the touch and naturally hairless. So, naturally, with this lady butt bubble bouncing with every strut, I have to wear lady pants to keep this *va-va-voom* in check otherwise I’m gonna have pinchers follow me around everywhere. Now, these pants I buy, of course they have no pockets. I’m basically wearing latex paint, and I have to cut a front hole into the front for my wobbly man’s wang dangler to dangle dong comfortably (I hide this hog meat by wearing extra long shirts, so don’t worry). The problem still remains, though. Wear do I put my credit card if I don’t have pockets? I ask myself this question every single day as I shift cheeks in the mirror in an accidentally extremely erotic way. Luckily, I kind of create a natural pocket by pushing my chin down to my neck and that’s where I keep my credit card. I wish the lady pants would just have pockets, but hey, I also wish I had a man butt and not this outrageously voluptuous and irresistibly spankable lady butt. Any tips from ladies with lady butts would be appreciated, though not necessarily followed through with.

I am a man with a decidedly womanly ass, ya know, that juicy combination of firm and perky, but still jiggly to the touch and naturally hairless. So, naturally, with this lady butt bubble bouncing with every strut, I have to wear lady pants to keep this *va-va-voom* in check otherwise I’m gonna have pinchers follow me around everywhere. Now, these pants I buy, of course they have no pockets. I’m basically wearing latex paint, and I have to cut a front hole into the front for my wobbly man’s wang dangler to dangle dong comfortably (I hide this hog meat by wearing extra long shirts, so don’t worry). The problem still remains, though. Wear do I put my credit card if I don’t have pockets? I ask myself this question every single day as I shift cheeks in the mirror in an accidentally extremely erotic way. Luckily, I kind of create a natural pocket by pushing my chin down to my neck and that’s where I keep my credit card. I wish the lady pants would just have pockets, but hey, I also wish I had a man butt and not this outrageously voluptuous and irresistibly spankable lady butt. Any tips from ladies with lady butts would be appreciated, though not necessarily followed through with.

Day 74 of no fap.. As I exited my vehicle to walk into work I caught scent of a female in heat 73.35 meters upwind. Because of the fog I couldn’t see her yet but judging by the scent she was mid twenties, and healthy. My ultra attunated hearing was able to pick up her gait, which put her at about 5’6”. My mind, free of the constraints of porn and indecent imagery, was able to calculate her weight based on the ripple in the testosterone continuum produced by her footsteps as she walked away from me. Being that I was 10 minutes early for work, I made chase and followed her through the fog still without visual contact. I was like a pilot navigating the white abyss by instrument alone. I was trailing her about 130m behind when I sensed her phone vibrate in her purse through the pavement. Holding my ear to the ground I was able to faintly pick up on the conversation she was having with beta BF. Based on the annoyed tone in her voice I knew now was the time to strike. I readied my legs and concentrated all of my Testo-chakras into my Vastus Medialus muscles as I assumed a sprinters starting stance. I exploded forward in a cataclysm of sex hormone fueled rage. Exactly 2.54 nanoseconds later I began to phase through time and space as I meshed with the testosterone continuum. As I phased through the helpless female target I nutted directly into both of her Fallopian tubes, destroying her previously unbroken hymen and causing her to orgasm INSTANTLY. As I began to slow down 33.6 light years later, I realized that while she would have wanted to thank me for giving her the gift of my superior seed that she was already dead and gone having raised my CHAD progeny to repopulate the earth. As I float into the the celestial abyss of the greater Crab Nebula I am not filled with regret for having left my world, but rather happiness for having left it a better place.

Day 74 of no fap.. As I exited my vehicle to walk into work I caught scent of a female in heat 73.35 meters upwind. Because of the fog I couldn’t see her yet but judging by the scent she was mid twenties, and healthy. My ultra attunated hearing was able to pick up her gait, which put her at about 5’6”. My mind, free of the constraints of porn and indecent imagery, was able to calculate her weight based on the ripple in the testosterone continuum produced by her footsteps as she walked away from me. Being that I was 10 minutes early for work, I made chase and followed her through the fog still without visual contact. I was like a pilot navigating the white abyss by instrument alone. I was trailing her about 130m behind when I sensed her phone vibrate in her purse through the pavement. Holding my ear to the ground I was able to faintly pick up on the conversation she was having with beta BF. Based on the annoyed tone in her voice I knew now was the time to strike. I readied my legs and concentrated all of my Testo-chakras into my Vastus Medialus muscles as I assumed a sprinters starting stance. I exploded forward in a cataclysm of sex hormone fueled rage. Exactly 2.54 nanoseconds later I began to phase through time and space as I meshed with the testosterone continuum. As I phased through the helpless female target I nutted directly into both of her Fallopian tubes, destroying her previously unbroken hymen and causing her to orgasm INSTANTLY. As I began to slow down 33.6 light years later, I realized that while she would have wanted to thank me for giving her the gift of my superior seed that she was already dead and gone having raised my CHAD progeny to repopulate the earth. As I float into the the celestial abyss of the greater Crab Nebula I am not filled with regret for having left my world, but rather happiness for having left it a better place.

This is it…

You lie down, you breath heavily, slower and slower at every gulp of air…

Your vision starts to blur, everything around you turns into abstracts patterns…

The world around is slowly turning black…

You see a shadowy figure, slowly walking towards you, the grim reaper…

As he approaches, you wonder…

“So my time has come, right ?”

He now is facing you, then suddenly, he yells…

“ARE YOU READY KIIIIDS !??”

I’d seriously dress slick in a suit and sunglasses, go to a different city and just get everyone’s attention.

I make the bet.

“i can make you all cum, if i don’t, I owe you $20 each. If I do, you all owe me $10 each.”

“Kachow!”

Knees quiver, a loud cacophony of moaning echoes throughout Times Square. I smirk, and hold out my hand.

I am promptly arrested on vague charges. I am transferred, to an old abandoned warehouse out in the midwest, to meet the highest echelons of the Deep State. They have a job for me.

Once again, I smirk. I’ve made enough from my InstaCum Tour, I call in my AI controlled drone. A strike on the warehouse that leaves everyone in the Deep State dead or maimed beyond any quality of life.

I look at the media storm approaching. If I say it on camera, will America hear my reasoning? I smirk. No harm in trying.

kachow.

Do United States citizens really believe that their government wasn’t envolved on the events that happened on september 11? First of all: I’m not saying it was an inside job, I’m just asking about the overall opinion of the majority of people. Don’t mean to disrespect anyone. he reason I’m asking this is because I live in Brazil, and on this weekend I was at a dinner party and as this was brought up on a casual conversation, I realised everyone (literally 100% of us, like 15 people of varied political beliefs and experiences) agreed that the USA government was involved. We all have seen the documentaries and everything, but it’s hard to have an relevant opinion when none of us ever stepped foot on the United States for more than a couple weeks.

Hello, I am currently 16 years old and I want to become a Banana. I know there’s a million people out there just like me, but I promise you I’m different. On January 26th, I’m moving to Southeast Asia; home of the greatest Bananas. I’ve already cut off my arms, and now slide on my stomach everywhere I go as training. I may not be a Banana yet, but I promise you if you give me a chance and the support I need, I will become the greatest Banana!

I am a man with a decidedly womanly ass, ya know, that juicy combination of firm and perky, but still jiggly to the touch and naturally hairless. So, naturally, with this lady butt bubble bouncing with every strut, I have to wear lady pants to keep this *va-va-voom* in check otherwise I’m gonna have pinchers follow me around everywhere. Now, these pants I buy, of course they have no pockets. I’m basically wearing latex paint, and I have to cut a front hole into the front for my wobbly man’s wang dangler to dangle dong comfortably (I hide this hog meat by wearing extra long shirts, so don’t worry). The problem still remains, though. Wear do I put my credit card if I don’t have pockets? I ask myself this question every single day as I shift cheeks in the mirror in an accidentally extremely erotic way. Luckily, I kind of create a natural pocket by pushing my chin down to my neck and that’s where I keep my credit card. I wish the lady pants would just have pockets, but hey, I also wish I had a man butt and not this outrageously voluptuous and irresistibly spankable lady butt. Any tips from ladies with lady butts would be appreciated, though not necessarily followed through with.

His laser eyes can toast a bagel from Israel to New York!

His super speed can spin a dreidal with a higher rotation per minute than his credit score!

His super strength can bend the rules of politics to his whim.

He is the one the only

>S U P E R J E W

His laser eyes can toast a bagel from Israel to New York!

His super speed can spin a dreidal with a higher rotation per minute than his credit score!

His super strength can bend the rules of politics to his whim.

He is the one the only

>S U P E R J E W

Day 74 of no fap.. As I exited my vehicle to walk into work I caught scent of a female in heat 73.35 meters upwind. Because of the fog I couldn’t see her yet but judging by the scent she was mid twenties, and healthy. My ultra attunated hearing was able to pick up her gait, which put her at about 5’6”. My mind, free of the constraints of porn and indecent imagery, was able to calculate her weight based on the ripple in the testosterone continuum produced by her footsteps as she walked away from me. Being that I was 10 minutes early for work, I made chase and followed her through the fog still without visual contact. I was like a pilot navigating the white abyss by instrument alone. I was trailing her about 130m behind when I sensed her phone vibrate in her purse through the pavement. Holding my ear to the ground I was able to faintly pick up on the conversation she was having with beta BF. Based on the annoyed tone in her voice I knew now was the time to strike. I readied my legs and concentrated all of my Testo-chakras into my Vastus Medialus muscles as I assumed a sprinters starting stance. I exploded forward in a cataclysm of sex hormone fueled rage. Exactly 2.54 nanoseconds later I began to phase through time and space as I meshed with the testosterone continuum. As I phased through the helpless female target I nutted directly into both of her Fallopian tubes, destroying her previously unbroken hymen and causing her to orgasm INSTANTLY. As I began to slow down 33.6 light years later, I realized that while she would have wanted to thank me for giving her the gift of my superior seed that she was already dead and gone having raised my CHAD progeny to repopulate the earth. As I float into the the celestial abyss of the greater Crab Nebula I am not filled with regret for having left my world, but rather happiness for having left it a better place.

This is it…

You lie down, you breath heavily, slower and slower at every gulp of air…

Your vision starts to blur, everything around you turns into abstracts patterns…

The world around is slowly turning black…

You see a shadowy figure, slowly walking towards you, the grim reaper…

As he approaches, you wonder…

“So my time has come, right ?”

He now is facing you, then suddenly, he yells…

“ARE YOU READY KIIIIDS !??”

This is it…

You lie down, you breath heavily, slower and slower at every gulp of air…

Your vision starts to blur, everything around you turns into abstracts patterns…

The world around is slowly turning black…

You see a shadowy figure, slowly walking towards you, the grim reaper…

As he approaches, you wonder…

“So my time has come, right ?”

He now is facing you, then suddenly, he yells…

“ARE YOU READY KIIIIDS !??”

I’d seriously dress slick in a suit and sunglasses, go to a different city and just get everyone’s attention.

I make the bet.

“i can make you all cum, if i don’t, I owe you $20 each. If I do, you all owe me $10 each.”

“Kachow!”

Knees quiver, a loud cacophony of moaning echoes throughout Times Square. I smirk, and hold out my hand.

I am promptly arrested on vague charges. I am transferred, to an old abandoned warehouse out in the midwest, to meet the highest echelons of the Deep State. They have a job for me.

Once again, I smirk. I’ve made enough from my InstaCum Tour, I call in my AI controlled drone. A strike on the warehouse that leaves everyone in the Deep State dead or maimed beyond any quality of life.

I look at the media storm approaching. If I say it on camera, will America hear my reasoning? I smirk. No harm in trying.

kachow.

Do United States citizens really believe that their government wasn’t envolved on the events that happened on september 11? First of all: I’m not saying it was an inside job, I’m just asking about the overall opinion of the majority of people. Don’t mean to disrespect anyone. he reason I’m asking this is because I live in Brazil, and on this weekend I was at a dinner party and as this was brought up on a casual conversation, I realised everyone (literally 100% of us, like 15 people of varied political beliefs and experiences) agreed that the USA government was involved. We all have seen the documentaries and everything, but it’s hard to have an relevant opinion when none of us ever stepped foot on the United States for more than a couple weeks.

Hello, I am currently 16 years old and I want to become a Banana. I know there’s a million people out there just like me, but I promise you I’m different. On January 26th, I’m moving to Southeast Asia; home of the greatest Bananas. I’ve already cut off my arms, and now slide on my stomach everywhere I go as training. I may not be a Banana yet, but I promise you if you give me a chance and the support I need, I will become the greatest Banana!